Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
One has to love how mother nature has a way of even in nature telling us that even though the skies may be blue, they can turn directions without any notice. May your first day of spring be a good one.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
MySpace Music Videos
Well I have to say that I celebrated St. Patricks Day in the best way possible. Last night Vincent and I ventured down to Dallas and went to a Muse Concert. Yes, I know I have already seen the guys 7 times prior yet how can one resist. It was fantastic. Just when you think they can not get any better, they do....
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
The other day I was taking a break from my somewhat unscheduled day. I had grabbed a bite to eat for breakfast and usually at this time I click the TV on for a short time while I eat. There really is not much on TV in the mornings. At least there is nothing which I would deem watchable. Usually this time is spent channel surfing which is exactly what I did that morning. I stopped on a HBO channel. A show entitled Letting Go of God was on. I am not really sure why it caught my attention yet it did.
I sat there and watched while a long time Catholic woman explained her journey through the Catholic Church. She brought up questions and doubts she had formed while attempting to find her God. She talked about how she finally fell out of the church and continued to search in other realms for what she kept calling her God. I did not watch the entire show and sort of wish that I had. When I did check the info on it I found that in the end she comes to the conclusion that there is no God. In other words she goes from a devoted Catholic to an Atheist.
As I said I did not watch the show in its entirety. However I did watch a good portion of it and some of the areas in which she described her “search” sort of made me think. I think all of us have questions in regards to what our beliefs are and why. It is hard to believe that there would be one with no inquisitiveness inside of them. Yet I have seen them or so they appeared to be that way.
The individuals who are raised in a church atmosphere and find no issue with believing all the stories and such that are told to them from the time they are small until present. They do not question the doctrines they are told are correct. They do not question the situations that come into their lives that contradict such laws. They just continue to deal with life and all its adventures based on how they have been told they are to act. I sort of feel sorry for these people. Yes it is easy to sit in a room where everything is told to you. There is no need to make any decisions for yourself in regards to what you believe as you already have the blueprint in front of you. And if by chance you do start to feel yourself falter there are always the elders/deacons/whatever one can lean on. You know the ones who are suppose to know everything. I know that such a life is comforting. There is no need to step out into the real world and experience for yourself the darkness that is there. Who would want to? The stories that can be told are enough to scare anyone from even considering such a thing.
Then there are the individuals that have an issue with the rules and restrictions that church can bring so they are just not going to believe anything. That makes it easy… We are born then we die… that is all there is. The wonders of the world around us, what are they? Merely a coincidence they say. It all “just happened” to come to be. Religion is just a crutch for those who are emotionally unstable. They need to believe in something beyond because they just can’t deal with the life now. I have heard all these lines from “atheist”. I have to say I do not understand them very well. I try and keep myself clear of them as I usually end up in an argument.
Then there are the ones who seek. They search and look for answers to the many questions that fill their minds on a daily basis. They accept the fact that they do not know all the answers. They accept the fact that more than likely they will never find them. Their minds are open to all possibilities that seem to flow by them. They take each one and carefully examine it keeping what they feel is pertinent to them and letting go of what is not of any use. They build and form in time their own religion inside of themselves. Yes, many of these people attend a multitude of churches made up of a multitude of denominations and beliefs. Yet they are not the usual cookie cutter attendee. Their beliefs are much deeper, more real. They do not follow because they are told that is what they are supposed to do. They follow because it is what they feel in their heart is best for them at this time on their never ending journey to find “it”.
Although I would not consider myself a person who is forceful and aggressive in most areas of my life, I feel that when it comes to this area I am. I seek, because I do not know all the answers yet. I seek, because I want to know all I can. I have learned that there are areas that no matter how hard man tries he may never fully understand. It is not an insult to accept such a fact. It is merely being honest with oneself. I guess that in its own way atheism is a manner of seeking. I have known those who have grown tired of the church or any form of spiritualism and just said forget it all. They still ask the questions that even though they will not admit it are geared towards spiritualism. Even if the God they worship is themselves. I have to remind myself to allow them their own journey.
One of my favorite movies is Stigmata. A story of an ordinary woman (Frankie) with no ties to the church through a series of events begins to acquire the wounds that Jesus was said to have endured during the crucifixion. A controversial priest (Father Andrew) is sent to investigate the validity of the story. There are many quotes throughout this movie that echo my beliefs. From when the Cardinal is attempting to kill Frankie because he cannot explain her condition and cries out “I will not let you destroy MY church.” To when Frankie tells Father Andrew. “You know what’s scarier than not believing? Believing, really believing. It’s fucking terrifying. Yet my favorite of all is the quote that Frankie and others say several times throughout the movie. “The kingdom of god is inside you and all around you…not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and I am there, lift a stone…. And you will find me.”
Although this is said in a sense that many would consider “churchy”, it can relate to anyone who believes that there is something and/or someone bigger than them. That it is not what others necessarily tell us to believe or tell us to do, but what we ourselves seek out and eventually find that satisfies that need inside of us. Yes the answers are inside of each of us and they are all around us, we need only look for them.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A little over a week ago a father was driving through the city with his two children. His son of five years with his bouncing head of red curls. His eyes that sparkled with a smile with what seemed to be continuously. A truly joyful child. His younger sister of two who like most sisters resembled her brother in many ways. Same red hair, same sparkling eyes. Both were just glad to be out with their father enjoying an afternoon.
Stopped at a stop light waiting for the red to turn to green so that they could continue on their way home from their time together, they enjoyed the few moments that it gave them to just sit and enjoy each other’s company. Brother and sister glancing at one another on occasion as siblings do. The father facing forward listening to the giggles and playful sounds his children made. All not knowing what a precious moment they were truly involved in.
Within an instant the tranquility and joy that before was so obvious and welcomed was cut short and turned to a darkness that would eventually consume so many. From behind a speeding pickup came. It barreled up the off ramp towards the back end of the waiting SUV which housed the happy family. It did not slow as it approached the car. It continued until it rammed into the back end of the stationary vehicle.
Without any warning lives were changed. The truck spun around after it hit the SUV eventually landing to the side of the road. The front end smashed. The driver unconscious. The SUV stood motionless. It had been thrust forward by the jolt. The back of it was no more. Pushed into what before was the middle. Emergency vehicles were quick to come to the aid of those in need. Police to investigate the accident, Firemen to help free those who may be trapped, and Ambulances to rush those hurt to the nearest hospital. The father was taken with cuts and bruises to the hospital for observation and review. The little sister likewise was taken to the hospital as she was in the back seat and sustained much of the force which struck the back end.
The little boy with the bouncing red curls and the sparkling eyes that smiled before would smile no more. His tiny body lay motionless. Crushed and mangled by what had just occurred. His life with those who cherished him so would be no more. No longer would his father hear his laughter, his mother hold him close as he fell asleep at night, his little sister grow up and enjoy the wonderful gifts that only an older brother can bestow. He had passed.
The man who drove the pickup: He was injured yet not to the degree as the others. He was taken to the hospital and later released. When told that a five year old boy had been killed due to his negligence, he stated… kill me now. He failed the sobriety test which was given to him on the scene and later was found to have prescription drugs in his system as well. He drove with a suspended license which should have kept him off the road all together. Although his life of freedom was all but ended, he had experienced over 60 years of life prior. Yes he is in jail awaiting trial. Yes he will pay for his actions. But at what cost?
The father was released from the hospital with minor injuries. The sister still lies in the hospital in serious condition. She is still not aware that her brother will no longer be with her. A family has been changed forever and at no fault of their own. All because one person decided to get behind the wheel when he should not have.
Online Rememberance Guestbook for Adam
Monday, March 8, 2010
Well it is Monday again… Another week has crept by us and hopefully most enjoyed a wonderful weekend. The weather has been very spring like since March has begun. The temperatures have stayed in the 50’s for the most part and at times even managed to go higher. It has been very enjoyable. Although I know that a sudden snow storm can still come and get us I am glad for the warmer temperatures. I have learned not to dismiss old man winter as being gone until at least Easter. That is still a few weeks away so I haven’t put all my winter clothes away just yet. I am thinking about changing out the flannel sheets though.
In a few weeks I am going to get to venture a bit to the east and visit my daughter and her family for a bit. I have to admit that I am tremendously excited because it has been almost 5 months since I have seen my grandkids. Now I know that may not seem like a long time to some. Yet to any grandma, they understand. We exchange letters, phone calls, and even talk via Skype on occasion. Still nothing matches the feeling of a good old fashioned hug from your grandchild. I am sure both have grown like weeds since last I seen them.
We are supposed to have thunderstorms this afternoon. I have to admit that I am a bit excited about it. As long as they do not turn to severe I love to sit and just enjoy a good storm. It is only March yet still we can have some good ones. Last year we had tornados in February. It is something that does not happen too often yet occasionally it can. I have learned living in Oklahoma that you come to expect just about anything when it comes to the weather. I have even seen it snow in the midst of a thunderstorm. This year I would love to attempt to capture some photographs which show the beauty of an Oklahoma storm. We have some beautiful cloud formations at times. And there is always the elusive lightning shot.
My seedlings that I started some time back are doing quite well. Lets just say most of them are. I think I may have started them a bit early. Yet it was a learning experience. I learned which seeds are best suited for such planting. I am planning on planting some more of these seeds and by the time they have sprouted I should be able to put them outdoors. I did find some beautiful cannas bulbs last week. I am planning on planting them tomorrow and more than likely will purchase a few more plus a couple elephant ears. I can hardly wait to get my hands in the dirt.
The Canadian geese are still visiting daily. In fact they stay all day sometimes. Over the weekend we witnessed several standoffs between different males as other couples attempted to come and share our yard with the couple who have already set claim to it. They can be extremely aggressive. I was pinched once when I was young by a goose. Not a fun thing if I do say so myself. The pair that are with us most of the time seem to have befriended our cats. Even though they stalk them like the great hunters they are. I am surprised that the geese have not gone after them. Yet I think that they find the cats, especially Sunny, quite comical.
Well it is off to my Monday chores. Until next time… Have a good day and don’t forget to smile.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I never really thought much about the empty nest syndrome. I know that it pertains to when your children move out of the house and on with lives of their own. Sometimes the move is local and still they are near enough that you can visit them on occasion. Yet there are times when they move much further away. My children are a little of both. My oldest son is near enough that we can visit whenever we like. My other son is in DC and my daughter is in Tennessee. This has been an adjustment especially since 2 (soon to be 3) of my grandkids also reside in Tennessee. Their moving left me with much of a similar feeling as I babysat them for a good portion of time before they moved.
I have learned over time that although we as mothers look at our children forever as a child, they do grow up and they do create a family and life of their own. There does come a time when this is made quite evident. I have always tried to not be the kind of mother that nags too much or seems to butt into their lives more than usual. Yet still I am reminded from time to time that I may need to make adjustments. I do not agree with all the requests that may be made. Yet I do understand that it is their lives and the ultimate choice is rightfully theirs.
I will say that the relationship between my children and myself over time has caused me to reevaluate my relationship with my mother. Maybe that is just the way the evolution of parenting goes. When you are young you do not realize what some of your words or actions may do. You view them from your point of view and they are rightfully justified. Yet as time moves on and you find yourself in a similar situation yet on the other side, you realize that such things may be more hurtful or harsh then you ever meant them to be. This goes both ways I think.
I have learned that this growing process can be painful to all who are involved. Whether or not it is a smooth process depends much on the communication and/or relationship between those involved. Patience is an asset that is greatly needed and helpful for either party. An open mind and a realization that there is discomfort felt by all who are involved is also something that is good to know.
Am I suffering from empty nest? I am not sure really. Sometimes I think I am, as I miss the interaction and relationship that I used to have with my children. Yet I see them in their new families and activities and know that they are happy and evolving well into the world. I am proud of their accomplishments and the challenges that they place ahead of themselves to continue to become all that eventually they will be. I understand the restraints of distance and the fact that it keeps the once easy visits from happening. I understand the need for time together alone as their own family to help build tradition and form a history of their own.
Still I miss them. Still I wish that I were momma again. I was far from the perfect mother. Is there such a thing? I think we all learn as we go. Trying to be and do the best we can. Looking back sometimes and thinking maybe if I had done this or not done that. Yet things in the past are just that… in the past. I think I will call my mother today. I think I will tell her how much she means to me and how much I appreciate all she has ever done for me. I think I will let her know that although I may not show it all the time that I truly do love and above all respect her. She did the best she could. No she was not perfect, but she was there.
Maybe we don’t get to be called momma again until our children are older. Until they too have gone through the times and trials of parenting that help them to eventually understand the actions we may or may not have taken. Maybe it is not until this time that we have enough time to sit and listen to their side of the story. Maybe that is what the empty nest is all about.