Recently a close friend of mine lost her husband suddenly. They had been outdoors enjoying an evening and an early spring storm that had just gone through, enjoying the cool rain and the active lightning it had brought. She was tired and decided to go to bed leaving him outdoors to continue his enjoyment. The next morning when she awoke to an empty bed. Thinking he had already gotten up she rose to go and begin her day with the man with the man she shared her life with. When not finding him in the house, she went outdoors. Sitting as if sleeping on the lawn, she found him. Peaceful, yet passed.
He had been a savior to her in some sorts. A life before where she had felt she had had little say as to what was her own. Somehow herded into a life which was not of her choosing. Not able to chase after her dreams as she had always wanted to do. Yet he had changed that. A divorce later in life in her mid 30's had given her a second chance. His appearance into her life only solidified that chance. Yes, he was younger than her, but soul mates have no age reference. They are connected beyond time. They were together continuously, sharing their dreams and playing their music. Making plans for the future and more. Then "reality" comes.... or so that is what some call it.
There are the usual obstacles to get over in regards to a spouse. Rearranging, accepting, and yes the paperwork. Yet at the age of 40 he did not think that he was in such a hurry to have his life in such order. Most of us see plenty of time ahead to do such things that are not as exciting or fun as simply enjoying life and those around us. She deals as best she can with all the occurrences that have come her way. Some of her insecure ways have come back to her and she struggles with them to overcome their desire to overtake her again. He saw the strength in her and gave her the ability to see it also. Yet now he is no longer there and she finds it hard sometimes to do it alone and wonders if she will actually be able to.
She attempts to all it was that they had talked about only the night before his passing. The plans they had discussed. It is a large undertaking for someone like her. She knows this and worries so much that she will not be able to carry on his dreams. Yet still she trudges forward in an attempt to do her best. His presence is everywhere around her. Guitars, music, clothes, tools, and so much more. Slowly she attempts to go through it. Yet at times she wonders if she can part with some of the items he left behind.
Dreams seem to haunt her at times. More frequently as time passes. She attempts to not sleep thinking that maybe they will go away. Exhaustion then takes over and she finds herself once again going to the place she does not wish to go. She is at home, when he walks in... She begins to argue with him as to where he has been all this time. He looks at her oddly and tells her he has been with her all along. She wakes up and it is as if she never slept. It is as if it were not a dream. The surroundings, smells, everything is like it was earlier. Yet for one thing. He is not there. This troubles her. She does not understand why she is dreaming like this. Why are they arguing so? Why does it seem so real, as if it truly was "reality". As he truly was right there beside her.
As a friend, I can only attempt to comfort her and give her my opinion. That being all it is... "my" opinion. It has been my experience that dreams serve mainly 2 purposes. First, to help one deal with the anxieties of life. To help us deal with the things that come to us sometimes and are too hard to face straight on, at least in the beginning. Dreams help us to sift through all the mess and sometimes makes it easier to get on with our lives. The other purpose: I am a believer that "true" reality is not necessarily known to all if to any. Man has always been someone who feels it necessary to be able to explain everything around him. He doesn't enjoy the fact that he may actually not be able to explain something and therefore it is more than him. Even in religion where "faith" is suppose to be the cornerstone, he attempts to manipulate the rules so that he can control what it is that is considered right and what it is that is considered wrong. In saying this I present my second opinion on dreams and their purpose. I think that sometime spirits of those passed can be with us. Especially when the bond is close (and sometimes when it isn't). He knew of her pain. He watches her day to day as she attempts to do her best, often questioning her actions, her motives. He knows her thoughts in regards to her isolation now that he is gone. The fear that her recluse side will once again creep back into her life and cover her in isolation. He wants to comfort her.
It is a beauty, that at times we have the honor of feeling the presence again of someone we love. Those moments when you smile to yourself because something so small made you think of them again. Those memories that come out of nowhere to remind you once again. In so many ways and by so many people, such thoughts are are considered to be foolish. Far from reality. Yet what really is reality? Is it just what man has taken and structured to fit his bidding. Something that be explained enough so that there is nothing left to the imagination and the wonder of God...
I challenge anyone to take a moment of their life... On a quiet early morning step outside and look to the east. Watch the sun as it slowly rises. Listen to the sounds around you. Feel the breeze as it blows against you or the warmth of the sun as it it shines down on you. Smell all that is life. Then ask yourself if any one person really knows what reality is. Can any one person know all that makes it all work? I think not. Life truly is a beautiful thing. Whether alive in this life or passed on to another. Allow your mind to be open to all that is around you, and you may be amazed at what you actually do see.
Peace
Janie
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