Friday, August 14, 2009
It amazes me at times how difficult some make it. What is it? Anything really. It is almost as if they strive for discord or difference. Their lives are just not complete without a little unsettleness occurring. When it comes to the discussion of ones beliefs, this is even more true.
Growing up in a small Oklahoma town, the one thing that we were not short of was churches. It always seemed that each one was striving to boost their attendance and membership more than the other and therefore whichever one was winning at the time was the place to be. Not growing up in a church going home I was what was considered fair game. I can say that out of the 7 churches in our small town of approximately 5000 I attended all but one. I do not regret this in anyway as it truly gave me a broad overview of all the denominations and their beliefs.
The church itself gave me much comfort and guidance as a child, something I will forever be grateful for. However the people truly made me cautious. I learned to be careful and not trust completely all that was said to me. I learned to search for myself to find the answers to the questions I asked. This search led me in several directions yet always it seemed to eventually lead me to what I needed to learn. "Seek & Ye shall find" Yet some of the paths which gave me the wisdom I longed for were forbidden by the "church".
It took a great deal of time to get past this feeling of shame and guilt that loomed over me. Yet with time and much soul searching, I made it past this point. Ones spiritualism is just that... one's spiritualism. It is a personal relationship that is shared between oneself and their God/Gods. It is not for any other to dictate and force onto one. However there will always be those who do just that. I truly feel that my beliefs and path is a combination of many.
"Belief" by John Mayer is a beautiful song. If you have never listened carefully to it, I recommend that you take a moment and do so. The first time I heard this song, its words rang so true in my mind and seemed so well to explain to me why people feel so passionately about what they believe. Allowing each their own is something I truly have always tried to do.... Knowing that I am not perfect and at times fall short. Yet still I have to keep in mind that as much as I want for others to allow me my space, my beliefs, that I likewise need to allow them theirs, regardless. I am sure that still I will find disagreement in my manner of belief. That as I become bolder and step out further in regards to this side of me, many who before I could call my friends may not be as receptive as previously.
Yet I have never been more complete in my life. My life has never been more full and enriching. The path I follow is truly where I need and should be. I know there are many out there who feel much the same way. Yet when it comes down to the bottom... I remember this one fact: It will not be those that disagree with my beliefs who I stand before or who will judge me and decide my fate as I pass on into the next phase of life. Just as it will not be me what they stand before. I am at peace with my God and that is truly all that matters.